Of Leias and Marions

It occurred to me that most married men my age - most of my friends, anyway; the geeks who grew up - seem to have married one of two variations of their childhood fantasy girl.  That is to say, they married either a Princess Leia (Star Wars) or a Marin Ravenwood (Raiders of the Lost Ark).  Here's what I mean.

Princess Leia Organa, adopted daughter of Senator Bail Organa of Alderaan, grew up as royalty.  She's educated, refined and appreciates the finer things life has to offer.  But she's no pampered rose.  She was raised with a strong sense of justice and moral responsibility.  Weighty tasks were delegated to her at an early age and she met them with aplomb.  She's brave, intelligent, confident, strong of spirit and sharp of wit.  As young as 19, she could hold her own with powerful politicians and diplomats.  She's well known by people who matter - and they know she can't be trifled with.  She projects status, (even adopting an upper class accent when necessary).  She knows she has a job to do and she does it damn well.  When her planet is [SPOILER ALERT] destroyed [END SPOILER], she finds her home in the friends she's made who share in her goals, hopes and dreams.  And she leads them.  (You can take the Princess out of the throne room...)  She'll point out everything you do wrong ("What an incredible smell you've discovered!").  She'll mock your ride ("Would it help if I got out and pushed?").  Just when you think she might like you, she'll call you delusional ("...laser brain.").  And she knows you're going to be wrong someday and she hopes she's around to see it.  See, she knows it'll make you a better man if she tests you.  So she does.  Daily.  But she has a deeply loving nature as well - especially where it concerns children, animals or some combination of the two (Ewoks).  And when the chips are down, when you need it most, when you're standing on the brink of doom, she'll tell you she loves you.  And that's when you see she was right all along.   You are a better man.  She made you raise your game.  So, of course you know she loves you.  How could she not?

Sound familiar?  Sound a little like your wife?   If not, maybe this does...

Marion Ravenwood, daughter of Professor Abner Ravenwood, followed her father all over the globe ("...looking for his worthless pieces of junk.")  She's open to new experiences, be they exotic, inconvenient or even dangerous.  She probably slept in tents or camped out in the open in primitive villages for long stretches at a time, so she can handle just about any conditions.  Lacking any real home, she's a citizen of the world.  But frankly, she's kind of sick of it.  She knows she has more to offer.  She may not be an academic, but she's got a good head on her shoulders, dammit.  She's not impressed with your tenured position at the University.  She's got more common sense and street smarts than you do and you know it.  Could you run that bar in Nepal all by yourself?  Didn't think so.  She can also drink you under the table.  Then, just when you let your guard down, she'll sock you in the jaw and kick you out on your ass and tell you to come back tomorrow for no good reason ("Because I said so, that's why.").  And while you're at it, you better apologize to her again.  Her clothes are casual, her hands are dirty.  But she also knows how to dress like a lady.   In short, she's seen it all and done it all and she's over it now.    Sure, she can get in over her head once in a while, but she knows she'll find a way out sooner or later, because, ultimately, the one person she knows she can count on is herself.  That having been said, a little adventure goes a long way for her these days, so if you really want to keep her interested, remember to chill out once in a while...maybe in stateroom on a ship bound for England.

Okay, so when I came to this realization that we all married one of the above, I tried it out on some friends.   I kept it simple: "Would you say you married a Leia or a Marion?"  It's incredible how quickly they answered...and with total certainty.

As for me, I absolutely married a Leia.  She's beautiful, intelligent, strong and witty.  She's clean and polished and doesn't suffer fools.  She negotiates with powerful people and won't let them pull rank.  She, quite simply, kicks ass.  She holds me to a high standard, too, which I'm grateful for.   But there's not a day I question our deep-rooted love for each other.  No matter what havoc the big bad world throws our way - no matter who cuts off our hands or hurts our friends or  oppresses our people - we know we'll be with each other forever...and we'll not just survive, we'll prevail.  

So what's the point of all this?  The point is to acknowledge that the men of my generation - the geeks who grew up - were taught as boys to appreciate women who are challenging.  We sought out partners who could hold their own in the wilderness of life, a stark contrast to the self-subjugating followers that men of previous generations longed for.  The men of the past wanted to have their adventures all on their own and know they had someone waiting for them at home.  When the women realized they didn't have to wait around and miss all the fun, those marriages fell apart.  My generation loves to share life's adventures - two against the world.  And when we go home, we go home together.